This sums up the performance of Zimbabwe’s unity government which marked its third anniversary this February 11. The performance of the shaky hybrid administration can best be captured through the analogy of a soccer match.
From the vantage point of the commentary box, one sees that Zanu (PF)’s chief striker President Robert Mugabe has just scored another goal to push the score line to 25-0 against player coach Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai and his MDC.
The goals amount to the outstanding issues that are still left to be implemented but favour Mugabe and his party.
The goal has just come after Mugabe recently sold Tsvangirai a dummy and reappointed Police Commissioner General Augustine Chihuri and his other biased service chiefs for another two years.
One can see Tsvangirai throwing his hands in the air in frustration again.
But typical of a rough opponent that he has always been, Mugabe is insisting the goal is genuine.
The goal came just as Mugabe was trotting back into the pitch after he had run to the crowd to celebrate another goal he scored through his refusal to appoint the MDC-T’s treasurer Roy Bennett into the post of Deputy Minister of Agriculture.
Mugabe has already scored more goals through the appointment of Attorney General Johannes Tomana, central bank governor Gideon Gono and the country’s 10 provincial governors without the input of MDC.
Observers are warning MDC to beware of an impending goal that could soon be scored again through the appointment of a Zanu (PF) Harare metropolitan governor to replace the late David Karimanzira.
The referee of match, SADC is allowing off-sides; rough tackles committed by Mugabe on his opponents go unpunished.
Typical of the Asiagate scenario where defenders were paid to lose games, Tsvangirai’s team mate, co-GPA principal Arthur Mutambara is pretending he is not seeing the goals coming.
At some point during the match, October 16, 2010, MDC walked out of the pitch in protest after Mugabe arrested Bennett for alleged treason.
Many see this as a result of poor coaching by player coach Morgan Tsvangirai.
Even his own team mates Nelson Chamisa and Obert Gutu told the US diplomats, thanks to WikiLeaks, that the coach lacks the match strategy to deal with the rough opponent.
Tsvangirai’s only meaningful attempt at the opponent’s goal was last year’s Parliamentary motion to have Clerk of Parliament and Zanu (PF) loyalist Austin Zvoma ousted from his post.
But the “goal” seems to have been disallowed after the lines man, the High Court, lifted his flag for offside.
Meanwhile, the gallery, ordinary Zimbabweans, has lost interest in what is happening on the pitch and seem unperturbed by the flying tackles by Mugabe on his opponents.
This is despite just having seen fellow spectators in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya invading the pitch to issue red cards on rough opponents.
Those still with a small interest in what is happening on the pitch fear being beaten up by the riot police in the stadium.
But the same riot police are seen on the pitch busy sending good passes to Mugabe, who is gladly netting them in claiming he is allowed under FIFA rules to do so.
The past three years have also seen Mugabe left unmarked at a time he was stripping Chamisa of his powers and insulting the referee who plucked up strange courage in Livingstone Zambia, last year and blew his whistle to caution Mugabe for rough tackles.
Such is the story of Zimbabwe’s inclusive government where MDC squandered a lead in 2008 with one hand on the presidential trophy and allowed the looser Mugabe to come back from behind and take a comfortable lead assisted by spectacular own goals by Tsvangirai.
The GNU has failed to licence independent broadcasters, end hate speech from the public media, the reconstitution of the Broadcasting Authority of Zimbabwe led by Mugabe’s loyalists.
MDC-T secretary general Tendai Biti says the MDC have not been taking blows passively.
Biti told a recent press conference the MDC was pushing Zanu (PF) backwards and was now “behaving like an opposition party” by walking out during parliamentary debates.
He said MDC was gaining ground through its continuous push for electoral and other democratic reforms that would see Zanu (PF) surrendering space in its own territory.
Political analyst Rejoice Ngwenya says the GNU has had its own advantages.
“Politically there have been difficulties in terms of Zanu (PF)’s refusal to fulfil its obligations, but it terms of stabilising our economy where inflation was running at two trillion percent, it has worked wonders,” said Ngwenya.
“Through the confidence that the partners have had in working together, we have a very stable currency in terms of the US dollar, we have an acceptable trading regime within the SADC region and therefore the people of Zimbabwe for the first time can plan their lives. The GNU still needs to survive so that Zanu (PF) can still fulfil its obligations.”
But fierce Zanu (PF) defender Goodson Nguni disagrees.
“The GNU has served its purpose. It has exposed to us that the MDC formations are composed of incorrigible Zimbabweans who do not believe that we are a sovereign country, people who are agents of imperialism and Britain and the time has come for it to go,” he says.
“I hope Zanu (PF) by now is regretting why they even allowed the MDC-M, people who do not have a constituency to become ministers and to ask those same people to chart a new constitution and way forward.
“It is unacceptable to have a tribal party led by Mutambara or Ncube that draws its support in Matebeleland to have a national outlook.”